Managing The Influence Of Others

In addition to you and your soon to be ex-spouse, many other people are involved in a divorce and everyone has an opinion. Friends, family members and co-workers all have something to say and some advice to give. This advice may or may not be accurate or even relevant, but it can certainly influence the two of you either negatively or positively.

If the advice you are getting is good, accurate and supportive … great. Your best friend in a divorce is the one that keeps you grounded, allows you to express all those anxieties and emotions, but doesn’t feed into them. Your best friend calms you down, helps you check out your reality and doesn’t just feed the negative emotions.

Unfortunately, sometimes a friend or family member, in trying to do the right thing and be on your side, can provide information that is inaccurate or inflammatory or both. When this happens, it’s helpful to remind yourself that everyone has some experience with divorce, either directly or indirectly but that every divorce is different and that the outcome of one divorce may be very different from yours. It all depends on the facts and circumstances of your particular situation. Your friends are there to support you emotionally and personally. Share with them, vent with them, but, I encourage you to seek advice from professionals… accountants, lawyers, therapists etc., preferably ones who specialize in divorce.

Divorce can be a long and trying process. Accurate, professional advice can help keep you on track and keep everyone’s expectations realistic. This can lead to a more constructive and cooperative approach to divorce which results in an outcome individually suited to your family.

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